


Jade Harley: Discover

by TTMIYH



Category: Homestuck
Genre: (Why is that a tag? I understand exactly why but like jeez), Canon Compliant, Casual Sex, Drama, Dysphoria, F/F, F/M, Gender Confusion, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Internalized Transphobia, Jade Harley Has a Dog Penis, Jade Has Lots of Sex and Discovers Herself, Negotiations, One Night Stands, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Plot With Porn, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Post-Canon, Relationship Negotiation, Sexual Discovery, Tentabulges, The Homestuck Epilogues, Troll Genitalia, Xenophilia, epilogue compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-01-31 07:40:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18586774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TTMIYH/pseuds/TTMIYH
Summary: That’s why she can’t settle down. That’s what keeps Jade Harley flitting from couch to couch, relationship to relationship. She can’t stop thinking to herself that “home” comes awfully close to rhyming with “alone.”---No snip-summary this time. Jade Harley, two years after the game ends, goes on a journey of self-discovery. It's not gonna be 100% pleasant, but she'll have fun, and everything's gonna work out in the end. Contains themes of internalized transphobia and dysphoria (that will be resolved by the end of the fic), so if any of those things being brought up makes you uncomfortable, this probably isn't the fic for you.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This particular chapter, and likely later ones, vaguely inspired by ["Kitty Litter" by Placebo](https://youtu.be/7oL-E1b7Dwg)

Jade Harley awoke with a yawn, a stretch, and a pop. She reached back to grab a hold of the bed frame, twisted herself sideways, and cracked her back with a satisfying, visceral choir. She twisted the other way to be rewarded with a second series of cracks, and then rolled over to look at Dave.

And then she remembered.

The person snoring softly across from her wasn't Dave, but she was pretty close. She had a flat chest, a slender frame, the same short, platinum blonde hair arranged in just a similar enough way. Her eyes were what really drew Jade in, last night, in her recollection. It started with mild flirting from across the floor in a club in the Human Kingdom. Jade already had the fruitiest drink she could handle in her, but her tolerance was low, the buzz was forming, and her inhibitions were a little lower. Nowhere close to blacking out, but enough that when her rust-red pigment flashed open in Jade's view, she felt her heart skip a beat and a thunderous desire in her... Everywhere. She wasn't sure if it was love at first sight, or something like that, but her new friend's voice was so close to Dave's, just a couple of semitones up. Even had sort of his same drawl. Even wore his shades. What were the odds?

What was her name, again? Dana? Jade had a strong impression that it was Dana. They talked through the night, dancing together. Jade was impressed by the quality and diversity of Earth C music, how their genres had evolved into a way similar but not quite the same as their own. The most essential ingredients for popular music were a bassist, a violinist, a pianist, and someone to manage the turntables. Hard rock was a recent, somewhat controversial development. Even guitars had a lower, thrummier sound by default, universally tuned, strings made, for D Standard. When the music got intense, so did their dancing. Hips swishing, hands grabbing and holding, pulling each other like the planchette of a Ouija modus together to the darkest corner, where Dana could leave hickeys on Jade's tan skin, forcing her to wear turtlenecks should she want to move about without shame.

They got to the barest edge of what was acceptable in public, maybe even skirting the barriers of the acceptable and unacceptable. Jade was enthused, emboldened in the fact that the music drowned out her noises, so she could keep making them. She remembered the feeling of this girl's shirt riding up with hers, skin slick with sweat against more skin. At some point between the furious making out and the original dancing, there had been mumbled conversation, but Jade wasn't keeping track. The only words she kept in mind were "So, you're Jade Harley, right? The Witch?"

To say they fucked like animals would be an amusingly appropriate understatement. Jade's first time was rough, almost skirting outright violence, but Dana was sweet and caring and told Jade when her claws were getting a little too feisty or when her canines had gotten too close to somewhere uncomfortable. Jade was pretty certain she woke up the entire apartment building when she finally came. It was raw. It was inexperienced. Jade made a mess all over Dana, apologized profusely, and got the wet wipes placed a little conveniently nearby, carefully tending to her conquest(?). Actually, Jade wasn't sure who was being conquered by who. It seemed like a mutual conquering, all things considered. Both of them were thoroughly marked up from top to bottom with hickeys and scratch marks, although Dana's stood out more against her almost snow-white skin.

A vibrator lay casually between their two pillows, jutting out and impudent. Jade took one of Dana's shirts, but it was too small, stretched out over her tall, muscular frame, riding up her stomach. On the other hand, Dana was wearing Jade's atom shirt, and it was cute and huge and adorable, stretching all the way down to Dana's mid-thigh. Jade nuzzled up to Dana from behind now that the sun had begun to shine her light through the slits of the window, carefully throwing a hand over Dana's hip for a spooning.

"Mornin'." She drawled, pushing back against Jade just a bit. "Sleep well?" Her voice was bleary, tired, and short. Nothing like the rambling nature of the true Strider, who would've likely been five paragraphs in by now should Jade's first time and subsequent morning awakening been with him. Part of Jade was filled with a rather sudden regret, as if she had just made some kind of huge mistake, and she was sure it came out even when she tried not to let it.

"Yeah!" She murred as quietly as her exclamation-mark laden voice would let her, a rumble in her chest buzzing at Dana's back. Her dick pressed up against Dana's rear, and Jade was ready to go again - she was always ready to go any particular amount of times, considering how pent up she was from three years alone and then two years ignoring her canine instincts - but Dana didn't do anything else to indicate receptiveness. "What about you? Erm, how about you, I mean?"

"Fine," Dana replied, decisively, cutting into the noise of the AC unit in order to summon an inordinate amount of silence.

"So, ummm... Do you wanna go again?" Jade asked after a solid sixty seconds of loose cuddling. Dana let out a puff of air.

"I don't want to say no to having sex with you of all people, but..." Dana said, letting the unfinished sentence end itself in Jade's ears. The dog ears drooped with some kind of disappointment.

"W-was I bad? Did I do something wrong?" Jade nervously stammered out, jerking away from Dana, rustling the settled peace of the thin, saxophone-patterned sheets over top of them. "This was kind of my first-"

"I don't really have time," Dana answered curtly. "Sorry. It's not a  _you_ thing."

"Oh... Ok." Jade quietly murmured. "Should I go?"

Dana got up and stretched, rolling into a sitting position and scratching the back of her short-cut hair. Hair that, about six hours ago, Jade was grabbing and grasping for while she struggled for air to fuel an oncoming orgasm. Hair that reminded Jade of a coolkid she knew pretty well. Dana got up, grabbing her sunglasses off the nightstand and pulling off Jade's shirt, showing her body marked with bruises and hickeys and teeth marks, a heatmap of their torrid affair. She began rummaging through her drawers, slipping on a pair of boxers, a button-down shirt, slacks. Her sunglasses went on next. The drawers pressed shut with a clipped sound of wood smacking against wood. She folded Jade's clothes up neatly and deposited them on the bed, not looking directly at the doggy-girl, like she was a sun that needed to be avoided with her gaze. Jade curled up into a surprisingly small looking ball for someone like her. "I have to go to work. It a Monday. Stay however long, just lock the door when you go."

The clock on the wall read 7:30 AM. It was, indeed, a Monday.

Jade didn't fall back asleep, she just watched Dana's back as the other girl left the small studio apartment, and then got dressed. Her skin felt cold, even with all her clothes back on. Long, black and white striped socks. Cotton panties that definitely edged slightly too close to "cute" to be taken seriously. The shirt that Dana had just removed, and then a long grey skirt. A pair of big, round glasses, the kind that made her eyes look anime-tier big when you looked at them straight-on, her green eyes on full display for the world to see.

Every pass of fabric across her own marks made her ache for Dana to just decide to ditch work and give her more. More attention. More affection. More words. More touch. More sensation. More  _anything_.

She made Dana's bed, cleaned up her messy room, and then left at 8:25 AM without even grabbing a pop tart from the open box left out for her.


	2. Chapter 2

saxophoneSophist [SS] has begun pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 17:17  
SS: hey  
SS: sorry if i seemed like a tool this morning  
SS: was in a rush cuz we were up late  
SS: saw you didnt grab a pop tart  
SS: so my b if i hurt your feelings  
SS: um  
SS: thanks for cleaning my place up  
SS: and if you wanna come back over  
SS: i might be open later  
SS: dunno  
SS: busy bee  
SS: so text me back when you have time  
SS: if you want  
SS: cant force you to do anything  
SS: so yeah  
SS: sorry  
SS: you were p good for your first time just fyi  
saxophoneSophist [SS] is now an idle chum!  
saxophoneSophist [SS] has stopped pestering gardenGnostic [GG]


	3. Chapter 3

December 29th, 5002 - 30 days before meeting Dana Stolas

* * *

 

Jade looked at her mirror with a sigh.

Well, it wasn't her mirror, it was the mirror in Rose's bathroom. It wasn't like Rose was around super often - things in the brooding caverns were busy, helping Kanaya tend to the growing and exceedingly voracious mother grub, so Jade had a spare set of keys, and that meant she could really come and go when she was in town. The island where Jade used to live was sort of overgrown, somehow avoiding colonization until it turned into dense and dangerous jungle where people really don't feel like going, Jade included. So, she really stuck to cities and suburbs across the kingdoms. And sometimes it was a little too loud, a little too smelly, and a little too much so Jade would fly and fly and fly and fly until she got lost and had to hit one of her friends up for direction.

Thusly, she tends to hang around Rose's section of the neighborhood in the Carapace Kingdom. It's usually a little quieter there.

The harsh light of the bathroom's bulbs scorched her eyes until she turned them off, working purely off the refraction of mid-afternoon, dimming sunlight filtering into the bathroom, trapped there by Jade's retinas.

It wasn't that she looked  _bad_ , just that she looked  _different_. Three years by herself, on a ship, dealing with her new additions and the urges they caused, for the most part ignoring them. Pushing them back. Heel, girl. Another two years of waiting, for something to happen. Somewhere in her mind, she knew she was waiting for Dave and Karkat. Either they'd get together, or she'd get with one of them or both of them, or, really, anything, any kind of indication that there was forward motion. She knew, on a theoretical level what virginity was, a concept of society she had read about frequently enough to understand and apply. So if she waited, and waited, then one of them could have her first time, and it would be special, and not tainted, and something new and beautiful. An amazing, world-engorging experience that would justify the time wasted.

 _No, don't be bitter_ , she told herself. It wasn't time wasted. They had fun, they were good friends, but she just needed more than that.

Her thought process was going off the rails, kind of.

She put her hands down her silhouette, watching her tail flick from side to side. She definitely got the best of Jane and Jake. She was smoking hot! She knew it, too. Abs and curves, hips and thighs, an ass you could bounce enough quarters off of that you could buy a gumball machine. Her only wish was that her chest was a little larger than the modest B cups they were. She was the smallest of her female friends, besides Callie, and she tried to pretend really often that it didn't bother her. Padded bras and form-fitting clothes only did so much to enhance. And looking into her mirror, her dog ears pressed softly to her head, she felt only confusion and frustration. Really, the issue was pretty simple.

She had a penis. Every time the word bounced around in her head, ever since it showed up 5 years ago, she hated it. Not because of any inherent negativity to the feature itself, but mainly its larger implications. When she was a kid on the island, all she would do was learn and study, and while nuclear engineering and astrophysics and complex numeral systems were mostly in her particular alleyway, it wasn't like she had zero knowledge of human anatomy.

Males had penises.

Females had vaginas.

So what gives?

It wasn't like this was something she could just bring up with her friend group, either. Jade wasn't socialized in the same way they were, but she knew the rules of basic propriety, and bringing up something like "I still feel like a girl but I have a penis, what gives?" out of the blue isn't really kosher. So, she suffered in silence. Staring at herself in the morning was honestly kind of a daily ritual at this point, something done more often than showers or breakfast. It wasn't like it was an unimpressive penis, either! She felt great about it when it was doing its normal, penisly functions. And sometimes she looked at herself and went _hey, that doesn't look so bad_ , the whole ensemble, all put together. But all of her textbooks and academic papers from the old world, the few that talked about medical conditions, because it wasn't her field of expertise, they all brought her to the same conclusion. And who knew better than scientists and doctors? 

The issue was something she grappled with. Sometimes she lost sleep about it, but Jade slept on her own time, whenever she wanted, whenever there was someone around to host, so losing sleep wasn't an awful experience. Well. It wasn't an awful loss, at least. Lost sleep could be made up for with relaxation, but it still piled up at the edges like dirt on the edge of a broom. It was the question she asked herself each morning. Is she a girl? Is Jade Harley a girl? She could never come up with a satisfactory answer, so she tried not to let it linger as she brushed her hair. Typically, with her hands, but when she was at Rose's, Rose always liked to leave a new comb for her each time, and a brush that worked for her tail. Then, the rest of her hygiene. The sting of fresh mint on toothbrush-scraped gums helped to distract her.

She sat on the edge of the bath and ran the water hot as she liked it. A nail clipper was held tight in her hands - her claws grew way faster than anyone else's nails, so weekly trimmings were a necessity to avoid causing pain for herself, or for others. The noise was distracting, too. The rush of water into the ornate tub crammed into such a small space. Rose lived modestly, for a goddess. Most of them did.

 _Clip_.  _Clip_.  _Clip_.

It was a month past her 18th birthday, and today, Jade decided it was time to start putting herself out there. No more time waiting for Dave and Karkat. She'd find someone special for her first time, and do it on her own time. She had carried planets. She had fought veritable gods, and gotten punched in the face by one.

Jade had bred a  _universe_.

How hard could dating be?


	4. Chapter 4

January 28th, 5003 - 0 days before meeting Dana Stolas

* * *

To say Jade's feelings were mixed on the matter would be an understatement of the highest order, as would the corollary that dating was, in fact, far harder than Jade had imagined. She couldn't fathom why! She had all her facts and figures memorized, all the mathematical formulas that theoretically led to a one-hundred percent success rate, and even some psychology help from Rose, since the soft sciences weren't really something Jade had an especially deep interest in. Not that she'd say that to Rose's face! God, no. 

Something about it all just wasn't working out, even with her friend-assisted dating site profile, her celebrity status, six carefully selected pictures for the perfect mixture of vaguely provocative, cute, "I have interests", and "I have friends that I do things with", and the proper mix of essential biographical topics and useless chatter filling out the details. She was getting nowhere. The mass quantity of trash messages coming into her inbox got to the point where she had taken a break from her other activities in order to grab some books on bot-making (the website kind, not the robot kind, she was already somewhat decent at that albeit not as good at it as Dirk), all to filter them out without having her lift a finger. A solid six hours of work to ensure she never had to look at a low quality "Hi!" or "hello" or "ur hot" again.

Even with the filters in place, it didn't help.

It wasn't Jade's fault, she just didn't understand chemistry.

gardenGnostic [GG] has begun pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 18:12  
GG: ugh!!!!!  
TG: whats wrong jadey?  
TG: everythin okay?  
GG: im just tired :(  
GG: im starting to think this whole internet dating thing isnt gonna work out!  
TG: pff i mean  
TG: not to like dunk on u or anythin but  
TG: u really couldve just asked me  
TG: and i couldve told u sum shit like that  
TG: since when has internet dating worked out for anyone lmao  
TG: except for the people it has but like thats not what i mean lol  
GG: what do you mean, then??  
TG: okay this might sound kind of controversial  
TG: so dont like cancel me or anythin  
TG: but i think its really hard to fall in love w/ someone u only communicate with thru a text based medium?  
TG: and like even with webcams n phone calls n shit  
TG: its not really the same w/o that face 2 face connection you dig?  
GG: not really!!! >:(  
GG: that sounds kind of really reductive actually!  
GG: i definitely fell in love with dave even when he was just words on a screen to me.  
GG: meeting him for real only made that stronger!  
TG: rite rite im not sayin its impossible!  
TG: its just way hard and i also think we're all special cases?  
TG: like with SO much predestination bs up in this shit  
TG: plus! plus we're trying to get u OVER dave rite?  
GG: yeah... :(  
TG: right right  
TG: and like u 2 were tight as shit and im just thinkin  
TG: like its already a buyers market for us girls lmao  
TG: just got all sorts of mad dudes and dudettes bendin over backwards to get a piece of this  
TG: gotta filter thru all that irrelevent fluff and get to the good shit  
GG: i already did that though! i built a recurrent neural network to score incoming messages based on a couple of criteria and then automatically blocks low-quality messages.  
TG: jesus when did you even learn all that  
TG: never took u 4 a webdev  
GG: last week! :D  
TG: wow  
TG: im super super super impressed  
TG: like 100% sincerity RNNs took me like a couple of months to wrap my head around  
TG: but lets not get off track here!  
TG: still on operation: get jade a gf/bf/nbf  
GG: nbf?  
TG: yeah nonbinaryfriend  
TG: lets not get all spun up on th deets tho  
TG: cuz i.................. had an idea :3c  
GG: oh yeah?  
TG: hell yea i did u ready to hear it?  
GG: go for it!!!  
TG: why dont you..................  
TG: go to tha club?  
GG: the club? is there only one of them?  
TG: jadey no ur killin me lmao  
TG: where r u now?  
GG: human kingdom! doing some flying around mostly.  
TG: near 1 of the cities?  
GG: mhm!  
TG: okay well go grab some hot clotheses and just pop down to the city and just like  
TG: find a club?  
TG: ur a literal goddess no bouncers gonna stop u lmao  
TG: and like just strike up a convo w/ someone cute?  
TG: feel shit out yo  
GG: hrmm.  
TG: whats hrmm jadey ur typing indicator's been on for like five minutes  
GG: hrmm!  
GG: hrmm.  
GG: hrmm...  
TG: jadey come ON lmao dont taunt me like this  
GG: hrmm!!!  
GG: i dont know :(  
GG: on one hand it sounds like a really fun time!! and im sure itll be great!  
GG: and i dont think im getting anywhere with the online dating thing...  
GG: your argument makes perfect sense!!!  
GG: on the other hand!  
GG: im not sure if my brain is ready to handle that much sensory stimulus at once!  
GG: a club sounds like a really high-input place! theres a bunch of loud music and alcohol, and everyones gonna be sweaty...  
TG: uh i thought  
GG: i know!!! please dont finish that thought!!!!!!  
TG: yeah thats fair  
GG: anyway! so ultimately im really conflicted and i dont know what i should do D:  
GG: and besides the sensory overload thing i dont have an actual logical argument to say no to it!  
GG: just purely emotional responses like "i don't wanna!"  
GG: and those dont get us anywhere!  
TG: tell u what  
TG: if you dont wanna go obviously u dont gotta  
TG: not gonna put a gun to ur head and go "if you dont get on that dance floor it's donezo for you"  
TG: but i REALLY think it'd work out for you  
GG: you think?  
TG: hells yeah  
TG: in fact i just crunched the numbers on my jadeometer and they came up "hella"  
TG: im 100000% sure ur gonna CRUSH it  
GG: wait what am i crushing?  
TG: nothin in particular, just like a general statement of performance  
TG: crush it?  
TG: kill it?  
TG: ur gonna do great jadey i believe at you  
TG: like real talk 4 a sec  
TG: ur MAD hot and MAD smart and just like overall the best?  
TG: so like u got this! but only if you want to!  
GG: if you say so...  
gardenGnostic [GG] is now an idle chum!  
GG: alright! ive made up my mind!  
TG: !!!  
GG: im...  
TG: yeah?  
GG: ....................  
TG: yeah???  
GG: ........................................................  
TG: jadey come ON lmao  
GG: ....................................................................................  
GG: im gonna go!! :D  
TG: yessss good shit!  
TG: and i know ur not super near carapace land  
TG: but if shit goes sour u can ALWAYS pop in @ my place  
TG: ill be home all night anyway lmao  
GG: yes maam!  
TG: teehee no need to ma'am me jadey  
TG: just tryin to help  
GG: yes maam! :P  
GG: anyway! im gonna go get dressed and clean up now!  
TG: yeah dogg! lol  
TG: lemme kno how it goes k?  
GG: will do! thanks for everything, roxy!  
TG: np np np B)  
gardenGnostic [GG] has stopped pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

The closest person from where she was... That would definitely have to be Jane! She had to admit, she didn't pay Jane a lot of visits, which maybe she should change! She had a vague idea where Jane lived, mostly a picture in her head of the interior and exterior, but cross-referencing the two to find the appropriate looking place in the city wasn't super hard. Maybe half an hour of searching, her witch duds flapping about in the wind. A couple of people pointed and stared but she didn't pay them any mind. Instead, she found Jane's balcony, let her bare, stocking-covered feet touch down on it, and rapped on the glass door a couple of times. When the curtains slid open, a slightly shaken looking Jane's face melted into a more calm smile as she slid the door open. "Good afternoon, Jade! To what do I owe the honors?" She asked, with a big, buck-toothed grin on her face as Jade pulled her into a tight hug and then stepped into the carpeted room, curling and uncurling her toes against the fabric.

"Oh, nothing much! I'm just gonna go out tonight and I was wondering if I could use your shower?" Jade asked, stretching out a little, popping her knuckles in an even row. "And maybe some of your makeup?"


	5. Chapter 5

Jade is ready, she's here, she's hip and happening and all dolled up.

Well, that's not necessarily true, but Jane did help with her makeup, so, by Jane's own admission, she looked particularly seductive. This wasn't a place with a lot of trolls, so black wasn't the fashion to go with (and she really wasn't sure if she looked good with black lipstick anyway) - Jane set her up with some nice, neutral,  ~~Dave-colored~~  unobtrusive red. Some eyelash stuff, mascara, that's what it was called, some eye shadow, a light dolling up. Jade really did look good! She borrowed one of Jane's chokers (slightly surprised that Jane had chokers, for some reason), and with some help, adjusted her Witch clothes into something a little more club-worthy. The best part about God Tier clothes were definitely how they could just be thought into new, interesting shapes and patterns, and the fact that they were comfy as hell was a bonus.

Now that she's here she's beginning to have second thoughts. She heard the music muffled through the windows of the club ("Pyrocumulus", she was informed), saw the flashing rainbow lights filtered through a prism of curtains and clear glass. There's a line, because of course there is, but when she fluttered down from the sky and lands in front of the bouncer, a burly, impressively sized boy who reminds her of John and Jake, there's some assorted mumbling. Apparent discontent. Someone whispers, "Is that the Witch?", and she turned around, shyly waving, capturing the moment between the rectangle of her fingers. Her doggy ears twitched repetitively at the sounds and her nose can't help but take in the scents.

Jade's attire is more club-ready than she expected it to be, bless Jane. No hood, no sleeves, and the skirt of the dress turned from "billowing" into "mid-thigh-length", showing off plenty of her stocking-covered legs. Her red shoes tapped on the pavement as she stepped up to the bouncer, craning her head just enough to match him eye-for-eye. "Hi! Um. Will you trust me if I say I'm Jade Harley?"

"You just flew down from the sky and you have dog ears that are moving. I trust you."

"Okay! Thanks!" She said with a grin, blowing the bouncer a kiss and stepping her way past him. The motion feels practiced even if it's not something she's ever performed. Despite her initial thoughts on the matter, seeing all those people clamoring once they realized that one of their goddesses just dropped out of the sky in front of them, hearing their murmurs, the click of phone cameras, it filled her with... Something. She didn't know what it was, but it was good, and she felt it in her heart. Was it affirmation? The thought that she was finally being paid attention to? No, that was silly, people paid attention to her all the time - and yet...

She pushed the thought aside at roughly the same rate that she pushed open the door to Pyrocumulus.

[The music is loud and tremorous.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FknNXYYANs)

The sensory barrage is painful and immediate.

Oddly compelling.

Jade was only familiar with the term "masochism" in an academic sense.

Jade slipped in past the door before it was fully open, head already beginning to fill with empty throbs, and kept going until she was as far as she could get from the dance floor without leaving the building. It wasn’t far enough. Jane hadn’t been wrong, exactly, about wearing non-grabbable clothing, but Jane didn’t have four ears; two brought up on an empty island, two tuned for infrasound, and all bad with loud noises. She’d always had a strong stomach, but she felt like throwing up.

The urge subsided by the time she found a bathroom. It wasn’t much better than the hallway, though; there was another door between her and the dance floor but the noise that did get through echoed madly off the tile.

She’d start in here, then, and work her way up. Jade screwed her eyes shut, clapped her hands over her ears, and took a deep breath, so she wouldn’t have to use her nose any more than strictly necessary. Every note and record scratch and the grinding thunder-rumble of grinding people and the deep bass throb of the beat went right to her bones, and she let it all pass right through, right out of her, focusing on the way the beats connected instead of getting caught up in any individual chord.

 _Yeah_ , Jade thought. _I can do this_. And then she opened the bathroom door and had to do the whole thing all over again in the hallway.

It was like slowly boiling your own personal frog-in-a-pot, acclimating herself to the noises, but now she had more problems to deal with. The music began to blend together into a vaguely drum-and-bass themed smoothie, now that she wasn't focused on it, but she still had the rest of her senses to deal with. The air tasted like sweat and alcohol and her nose took in the overpowering aroma of the dance floor. She lied to herself and pretended that it didn't get her excited.

Excited enough to push through, even.

Jade walked a step or two at a time. Not a stumble, just a slow lurch. She ignored the twitch under her panties, firmly walked towards the bar, and sat on the closest open stool, uncaptchaloguing her purse, rummaging for cash. Even her sense of touch was working against her, the spasmodic beat of the music translating into a rattle against her ears and eyes via her glasses. She ran her fingers across the bar's smooth surface like it was a foreign material unknown to science, and then asked the bartender for the fruitiest drink available. It came in a wide-rimmed glass, and the flashing rainbow lights made it nearly impossible to tell its true color.

Oh well! Bottoms up!

Even with all the fruity flavors, all Jade tasted was harsh burn, and she immediately regretted her decision as the burn made its way down her throat. The bartender gave her a look of concern (a light, night-sky purple-blue, Jade noted, brown hair cut short to the sides, round features: she couldn't stop herself from assessing: her brain was open: too much info) and Jade waved it off with a grin, letting her hand flop back and forth in front of her face like she was removing a foul scent from her presence. "I'm fine! I'm fine, no worries!" She assured them, tipping them extra even though money didn't really mean anything, and then turning back around.

The dance floor swirled and gyrated like the tendrils of some kind of amoeba, bodies highlighted with the occasional flash of ultraviolet, her vision blurring slightly. That wasn't the alcohol, though, that was just the strobing lights. Jade waited, patiently, for some of that liquid courage to kick into her veins and get her moving.

Ultimately, the liquid courage didn't do it. She just got up, her senses numb and overstimulated at the same time.

She was 100% certain she was currently undergoing sensory overload. Nothing felt real. She was daydreaming. Dreamwalking.

Daywalking? Dreamdreaming? She liked the way "daywalking" sounded, indicative of her feet pulling her towards the lights.

The floor was more of a suggestion beneath her shoes than a solid reality. Motion was swimming through molasses. The saccades of her eyes gave up. Strobe lights removed the frames between movements, turning everything into a blur. All of her senses began to blend together at the edges.

 

 

She was smelling sounds and feeling scents and hearing tastes and finally noticing that people had begun to

push against her but she wasn't special she was just part of the crowd and there was

alcohol in her system and a buzz in her brain and a spring in her step as she started to dance and

give up control of her brain to something else entirely that wasn't quite capable of rationality

which was useful considering all the good her rationality had given her so far that is to say nothing

the rational thing to do was to not go to a club because it would overwhelm her 

but the rational thing to do was to listen to Roxy's advice because Roxy had reasoned arguments and

Jade's argument was "I don't want to" like a teenager or a child or a little girl

and not an argument that really held a lot of water when it came down to trying to solve

her problems since they couldn't get better if she didn't work at them they'd fester

and it wasn't like waiting for her problems named Dave and Karkat to solve themselves had

worked out so far because now she was dancing in a bar with alcohol in her system

and a buzz in her brain and a spring in her step with a boy looking at her and Jade was

looking back at him because he opened his eyes at her and they were so red that it almost hurt

to look at like the way it would theoretically hurt if you looked at a red giant without protection

not to compare this pretty blonde haired slender boy with red eyes to a red giant

but there were a lot of giants in Jade's past that she was trying to get over and he had a suspicious

resemblance to the biggest shadow looming over her in a way that made it

impossible for her not to do something really dumb when she got closer to the boy and made a

dumb decision to fall in love

again.

"So, you're Jade Harley, right? The Witch?"


	6. Chapter 6

This corner of the club was by far the most comfortable - in her tipsy state, Jade's body rumbled responsively to every push and pulse of the thick bass beat, while the harsh highs and middles remained distributed throughout the dance floor. A disused hallway leading to a fire escape, because cliche doesn't make it less enjoyable. If she was more coherent, she would've been bemused by the somewhat trite nature of it, maybe even mused on how many other couples (were they a couple? They did just meet, after all) had made out in the very same hallway. Dana's lips were narrow and firm and enjoyable, something small for Jade's teeth to aim for. Jade's hands grabbed Dana's narrow hips, while her new dancing partner held Jade just the same.

All of her unimportant senses were turned off, allowing the synesthesic input of touch to bleed out into everything else, overwhelming Jade's other, less useful senses. What would've been the taste of some kind of spicy, cinnamon chapstick was instead the feel of its tingling, mild burn on Jade's tongue while she worked it into Dana's mouth. It had been a while since she had kissed anyone, and her technique was sloppy, but enthusiastic, which was a sentence that would continually find itself applied to Jade as the months passed - but let's not get ahead of her here. She's at this moment. The sound, throbbing waves of vibrating air, shook the hallway like a heartbeat, making the building feel alive. Dana's noises, all of them, were just buzzes on Jade's lips, and the scent of her sweat was the only thing that passed by this tactile barrier. Her eyes were firmly shut.

Dana said something cute into Jade's ear (the human ones), and Jade replied with a breathy affirmation, and Dana rolled her around so that Jade was now the one pinned up against the wall. It was almost amusing due to the size difference between them, but Jade didn't know where to put her hands, and Dana very much  _did_. Dana's next question had to do with the matter of Jade's dress, and Jade responded in the enthusiastic affirmative. Their words were whisper-yelled over the thrumming soundtrack of the dizzying strobe light nightlife, only barely heard even then, Jade's breath hot against Dana's ear. When Dana's hand reached underneath her dress to palm at Jade, there was a tiny noise of confusion.

Jade whimpered something about needing to have mentioned that little detail sooner. She felt undeniably embarrassed, like she could just melt into a puddle of ectoplasm and die right there, until Dana cooed something sweet and sumptuous into Jade's ear and went in to attack her neck. It put Jade at ease, to the point where she was pressing herself back into the wall, grinding her hips up against Dana's hand in much the same way that an unfixed dog would go at a pillow. Eagerly, passionately, and with poor aim. Somehow, this wasn't driving the Dave-alike away, and that emboldened Jade further. Her moans became slightly louder, a little bit more shameless, up until Dana's hand clasped over her mouth and Jade found herself enjoying it. Something with Dana's voice told her, in that hushed, murmured tone, to be as loud as she liked as long as she was muffled.

Jade insisted it be referred to as muzzling, and that brought out an uncharacteristic spike of laughter from the bespectacled bisexual in front of her. Dana asked something about a collar and leash, and Jade refused to answer with her voice. It's not like it mattered, though. Her body's response, her vigorous, shameful nodding, told her all she needed to know. For some reason, the thought had never even occurred to Jade before, but she found it incredibly enticing. To serve man? (Or woman, as it were). Jade felt like she had suddenly been dropped into a massive ocean as her mind reeled with drunken possibilities that she would forget in the morning, but would always linger with her.

This would always stay with her. It was formative. Even the whiteboard eraser of alcohol + sensory overload + being a lightweight couldn't strip this sort of thing from one's mind entirely.

Jade recalled that she wasn't sure who was actually being asked to be on what side of Dana's proposal. The situation devolved into grunts soon afterward anyway, while she pried Dana off of her, admiring the soft buzzing burn of her new set of hickeys, on full display for the world at large to see, slowly developing like a Polaroid photograph. Jade's panties were indelibly soaked from her own precum, and if Dana kept up her ministrations, Jade doubted her own ability to keep them unsoiled. She reassured her partner of this fact, and then pinned Dana back up against the wall, Jade's tail wagging eagerly. It was time to begin returning the favor.

Finally, she let her eyes creak open just enough that she could see the reddened cheeks of the pale-faced girl in front of her. The sight struck a match in Jade's heart. This was how she had always wanted to see that damnable Strider, and here she was, with a perfectly suitable replacement more than willing to cater to all of Jade's needs. So kind, eager, and cool. Jade said something to Dana, and Dana shyly smirked, an odd combination of descriptors that nevertheless captured the same kind of emotion she had always desired to see in a lithe, short-haired blonde wearing sunglasses.

Something about leaving to somewhere more private escaped Dana's lips. Jade's first suggestion was just outside the back exit, and that made Dana laugh again, and that little laugh filled Jade with butterflies that she let out with each heavy breath. Dana suggested somewhere a little  _more_ private, perhaps like her apartment, and Jade considered her options for about a nanosecond before agreeing.

Dana offered to hail a taxi.

Jade asked her if she was afraid of heights.

Dana insisted she wasn't afraid of anything, except ants.

There isn't a sensation in the world that's readily comparable to the sort of sensations that making out with someone while flying in mid-air could bring you. The wind was chilly and whipped at them like lashes, but it didn't bother Jade at all, tangled up and warm with the girl she was holding onto for dear life as if  _Jade_ was the one at risk of falling. Dana seemed oddly composed for someone delivering hickeys a mile off the ground, and they took a small detour to land on a rooftop.

Dana said something about never having seen the city from this high up before. She asked if this was what it was like for Jade all the time - to see everything from the viewpoint of a Goddess, where the cars were particles and the people were points and the walls and rooftops formed a latticework across the horizon, stretching the city far out into the distance, much further than it seemed with a car ride. She asked what it felt like to live inside of a cloud for a moment or two, and Jade explained how clouds were just water droplets suspended in the atmosphere, and Dana told her how she knew that but she was being  _e v o c a t i v e_ and Jade had a laugh of her own.

Jade told her that the clouds were wet and chilly and not at all like marshmallows or beds or puffy sacks of fluff like the world liked to display them as. They were cold, wet, and uncomfortable except on a really hot day. Jade suggested that, maybe if it were closer to the summer, she could take Dana skinny dipping in a cloud.

For some reason, Dana found this to be absolutely swoonworthy. Jade didn't realize the evocative nature of the words she had just said until Dana pointed out their romance to her, and Jade chuckled nervously and offered a meager agreement, that yeah, maybe she was being a little evocative and sappy and romantic.

Then, Dana asked questions that started to make Jade a little uncomfortable. Questions that lead to the question that lay heavily on Jade's subconscious, throbbing in the back of her head like a warm heartbeat.

"Do you really want to be this romantic to someone you just met at a nightclub?"

This was the second of two sentences that Jade remembered from that night, and it took a shot of something strong to bring it to the surface. Jade's response was the only thing she remembered saying from that time period. Maybe she was embarrassed of it, and that embarrassment branded it into her brain. To her, it seemed an uncomfortable thing to say. Incalculable. A cop-out to avoid examining the pond's surface too deeply, lest she cause ripples. It made her feel like a teenager, not the adult she had been for an entire month. Pedestrian. Childish. Sappy.

"Can I... Can I think about that and then get back to you?"

Her blurry memory filled with tears and soothing sugar words and hugs and touches and chaste cheek kisses. She was trying to be mad at Dana, right now, in the present, damning her for being so callous the morning after their first time, but all she can remember is how kind and gentle she was. How tightly she hugged her, and how she touched Jade's back, not to arouse her, but to just give her the kind of human contact that she had been craving for all these accursed years.

Jade told her that she wanted to have her first time with her. Dana expressed shock that out of all the people, the Witch had picked _her_ for that.

~~Jade would never admit to herself, or Dana, that she hadn't picked _her_.~~

Dana pointed out the way to her apartment building, and Jade flew the way down, flitting between streets and alleyways to take the most direct route. Swooping with the same bear-trap tight grip on Dana, like if she didn't hold onto her hard enough, Dana would disappear out of her life forever, and right now, Jade was still kind of buzzed but was sobering up from the cold, and in that liminal state, she wasn't able to bear the thought.

Clothes were removed with the utmost efficacy. Dana's motions were fluid and practiced, while Jade simply captchalogued her clothes off of her, and they crawled into bed. The mood had died somewhat, but a modicum of pillow talk presented the right allure to reignite those dry sparks into a raging, damp fire, and the kisses returned, first to Jade's nose and then to Jade's lips and then back to her neck until Jade pushed her over and wanted to do the same thing back.

Jade sunk her teeth into Dana's neck as softly as she could before the surface tension broke and she drew blood.

Dana seemed to enjoy that.

Dana was shaven, prepared, and didn't even ask Jade to use a condom. Jade questioned it once, Dana mentioned birth control, and Jade didn't question it a second time. Jade's fangs were everywhere they could possibly have been, biting down on Dana's breasts, Jade's hands grabbing like she was trying to hold on to a lifeboat cast aside from a sinking vessel. Her tongue was rough and long and Dana complimented its texture, grabbing a hold of Jade's wild hair, suggesting other places that tongue could be put to use. It took a full two sentences of explanation for Jade to realize that Dana had been referring to cunnilingus. Dana laughed when Jade referred to it as cunnilingus, and suggested she watch more lesbian porn to grow her vocabulary.

Jade didn't object to that.

Unsurprisingly, she took to the act of licking things with the kind of enthusiasm reserved for a dog eating a meal. Up and down and all around, missing the mark almost every time, but it didn't matter too much with a tongue like that. There were so few ways for Jade to screw up, and even the strong taste of another girl's fluids did little to dissuade her. In fact, it only encouraged her more, the feeling of Dana's fingers buried in her mane, clipped nails digging into her scalp, wrenching her forward. Jade's hands held tightly to Dana's thighs, feeling like she was about to get crushed even by this objectively weaker girl.

When Dana came, squirting against Jade's mouth, the doggy girl felt a deep, all-encompassing sense of satisfaction, like this had been something she had been missing for her entire life. Not specifically the fact that she was eating another girl out, but the fact that Dana was clenched around her, calling her name, encouraging her, calling her a  **good girl** , and Jade felt very, very good. She was both good, and a girl, and a good girl, and everything Dana said emphasized that. Jade was glad that she had four ears, so she could hear all of the praise more easily and fully.

Dana's hand tugged Jade upwards, a fishing rod retrieving its catch. A third phrase entered her remembrance, much shorter, much easier to retrieve from the back of her hazy subconscious.

"Fuck me."

Jade obliged in full. Gifted, in a way, by her merger, it presented several unique opportunities for pleasure, including the swollen bulb at the base, opportunities that she took full advantage of. She really did need the help - it wasn't like she became a veritable sex goddess without a lot of practice - but she definitely had a leg up on most other virgins. She scratched and bit and panted as she pounded away, wrenching a second orgasm out of Dana from the force and velocity of her... Enthusiasm, and Jade had to stop and simply luxuriate in that clenching, tensing, warm, wet feeling, until she was reminded by Dana to keep going.

Keep going she did. She grabbed Dana's head from the top, using it as a brace, while Dana's legs wrapped around her own. She was locked in place, and she  _went for it_. Drool leaked out of Jade's lips while she mumbled something incomprehensible, possibly Dana's name in repetitive worship, staining the bed and the pillows and Dana's neck and throat. Dana assured Jade that it would be okay if she came inside, although she assured her in between moans and pants and curses and the occasional squeal or two.

For some reason, though, Jade found the thought unconscionable. She pulled out while she still had the self-control to do so, and rolled herself against Dana, grinding and humping with such fervor that she could've, theoretically, burned a hole in the bed should she be using that as her object of friction instead. Thankfully, though, they were both amply lubricated, with Dana kind enough to so provide the literal lubrication once Jade's desires became readily apparent.

When Jade came, she howled.

It was almost impossible that the neighbors didn't hear it, no matter how thick the walls.

Rolling over onto her back, Jade could only drool, pant, and coo, while Dana worked the sweat and cum and fluids off of them with wet wipes and paper towels. Jade felt pampered, cared for.

Jade felt loved.

It was fucking awesome.


	7. Chapter 7

January 29th, 5003 - 1 day after meeting Dana Stolas

gardenGnostic [GG] has begun pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 08:26  
GG: hey terezi!  
GC: MRS H4RL3Y!  
GC: 4 PL34SUR3 4S 4LW4YS  
GC: TO WH4T DO 1 OW3 TH3 HONORS? >:]  
GG: um...  
GG: i know we dont really talk all that much...  
GG: but would it be okay if i came over for a bit?  
GG: um, maybe stay the night if youre okay with that?  
GC: J4D3  
GG: yeah?  
GC: DON'T B3 SUCH 4 DOOFUS  
GC: OF COURS3 YOU C4N  
GC: BUT YOU H4V3 TO PROM1S3 YOU'LL T3LL M3 WH4T'S WRONG  
GG: nothings wrong! promise!  
GC: HMM...  
GC: 1 DONT B3L13V3 YOU >:[  
GG: can i just  
GG: can we  
GG: can we talk about it later?  
GC: F1N3  
GC: HURRY ON OV3R  
GG: ill be there in a jiffy!!! :B <3  
gardenGnostic [GG] has stopped pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

yawningYeoman [YY] has begun pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 13:41  
YY: HEY.  
YY: I SAW YOUR PROFILE ON OKCHERUB.  
YY: UH,  
YY: SO,  
YY: "PRANCING AROUND BEING ADORABLOODTHIRSTY" I THINK THE PASSWORD IS?  
YY: I ALSO SENT YOU A MESSAGE ON THERE IN CASE YOU WANT TO LOOK AT MY PROFILE.  
YY: WE HAVE A 96% MATCH RATE, WHICH IS PRETTY DAMN DECENT ALL THINGS CONSIDERED ON THIS HELLHOLE.  
YY: BUT FEEL FREE TO LOOK OVER MY PROFILE AND LET ME KNOW IF I INTEREST YOU.  
YY: YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT OBLIGATED TO LOOK OR ANYTHING.  
YY: BUT ON THE CHANCE YOU DO, SAME STUFF HERE.  
YY: MY NAME IS STILL ASELUS.  
YY: LIMEBLOOD.  
YY: UH, I LIKE FISH?  
YY: AND SHITTY MOVIES.  
YY: BUT THE FUNNY KIND OF SHITTY.  
YY: ANYWAY WHEN YOU GET THIS MESSAGE HIT ME BACK IF YOU WANT.  
YY: OR DON'T IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.  
YY: EITHER WAY'S FINE BY ME.  
yawningYeoman [YY] has stopped pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

**Author's Note:**

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